Journey
I hear the rumble of vehicles passing by. I can smell the nectar from the flowers beside me. I can taste the fresh morning air. I can feel the breeze dancing around me in a warm welcome. I can hear the bus pull up. I can smell the petrol. I can taste a change in the air. I can fell my feet placing themselves on the step onto the bus. My journey begins.
by Zoe
Update: Today we listened to Zoe's writing. We had blindfolds on so that we really concentrated on her words and we could really appreciate the senses that she had used to make her 'moment in time' writing have impact. These are some photos of us in 'listening' mode!
Update: Today we listened to Zoe's writing. We had blindfolds on so that we really concentrated on her words and we could really appreciate the senses that she had used to make her 'moment in time' writing have impact. These are some photos of us in 'listening' mode!
Zoe this is a great example of describing a moment in time. That simple event where you are waiting to go on a journey. You have left the reader wondering where you are going to and why, and having this sense of intrigue is interesting for the reader. With your permission we will use it for a skill focus and we will rework it slightly to take out some of the "I" words.
ReplyDeleteGreat writing this week.
Mrs H