I gazed up at an enchanting sight, drooling at the delicious look of it. Orange jelly, sprinkles, chocolate, pudding. Then I looked down, the drooling stopped, my mouth snapped shut, Shepherd's Pie, YUCK! My gaze wandered and again it was captured by the beauty of dessert, I couldn't stand it, I hate Shepherd's Pie, my forehead creased, there was great battle going on inside my head. I would like that little bowl of heaven but I would have to eat Shepherd's Pie. I shuddered at the thought. There was a grueling task ahead of me. I would need heaps of water. I raised a horrible monster to my mouth called the "spoon". I took a little of the Shepherd's Pie. I licked my lips, delish! In a couple of minutes my plate of Sheperd's Pie was demolished. I groaned then patting my tummy I moaned to Grace I'm too full for pudding!"
By Jaime
Has this ever happened to you?
Jaime this is a very sophisticated piece of writing! The structure you have used, and the descriptive language you have chosen really pulled me in. The ending was priceless! I could imagine with a bit of editing here and there this could be a good piece for the writing competition later in the year. Well done.
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